God put a smile on my face

that's why i shuld put a smile on His face also

Today, i'm take part in Ming2 sel group. i'm forget is it group I5 or I6, i don't care.
The member of that group was very young teenager, most of them just pass junior high school... and they are very very very diligent to do praise and worship everyday, i think complete with reading bible, and blessing prayer...
honestly, by seeing them, i feel like stranger in my own community.

i'm forget when is my last time do private praise and worship, i'm just too lazy to do that, apart from any reason, if i don't have much time, or my assignment and project was as high as mount everest. honestly,i'm just too lazy to take a little time with Jesus, sing His praise, etc.... God, forgive me.

They, those youth, make me... i think i'm envy them, for their spirit... though i don't have any reason to be envy... i'm just like them in four - five - six years ago. i used to be a good boy, literary, and i do those rite, and feel joy in my quiet time with my lovely Jesus. i used to be that boy... but time change, time flies, and those rite... seems as very strange rite for me...

i feel like stranger, my persepctive has changed... i see my religious friend as something freak, and my religious mentor is freak above freak... (i mean 'freak' in religious conotation), besides, i'm realize, i'm the freak one... and i love to be freak, you all know it.

And today, i know, there's something wrong inside me. i don't want to be stranger anymore... i just don't realy enjoy... the time when i'm singing praises with them... oh damn! i'm a servant! i do serve! i am singer, i do play! i feel like bastard... i don't give my best... okay, i do speak bad word, blasphemy, doing harrasment, maybe i'm motivate someone to do something negative, and laugh on it. when i see my face in the mirror, i see a guy with 'mentesek' face... and... maybe there's no light of Christ on it. I've been a sinner, i've been a scamp. but 1 thing i know, though i'm so bad,
God loves me
God forgives me

every morning, my first prayer is, " Lord, good morning, thank you for this new day and your grace that saved me in my sleep... Lord, made me your servant, let me be your light, protect my holyness, let me be your son, whose can put a smile on Your face, as You did it to me"
maybe i do that just for lip service.... i love Jesus, but just don't give my best, that's my problem... i know how to solve it. BE DILIGENT!
i'm just too lazy, SO DON'T BE LAZY!
I know... i just know, because i sure that holy spirit, still live inside my heart, and she said, DON'T BE LAZY.....

I Love Jesus...
I don't promise, that i won't be lazy anymore, it's too hard, but i can say... i will try it again. it's hard and hurts, it needs sacrifice...
Lovingt Jesus is Sacrifice...

and okay, maybe this one is Strange post for PornoPurple... but myfriend, i really love Jesus, and i want realize my morning prayer, for sure

"Lord, made me your servant, let me be your light, protect my holyness, let me be your son whose can put a smile on Your face, as You did it to me"


Peace of Christ